I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
