John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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