K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
