Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
