Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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