If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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