I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
