you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
