Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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