you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
