Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
