Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
