btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
