Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
