Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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