it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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