How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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