Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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