Got a toothbrush?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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