I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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