I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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