Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
