apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
