He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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