Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
