so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
