there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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