i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
