It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
