R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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