No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
