We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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