u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
