Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
