at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
