based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
