He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Text me some of your sweat
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