And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
