1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
