Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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