Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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