New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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