Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
