It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
