found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you didnt know i had herpes?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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