After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
