I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
