we're making bets on your personal life
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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