Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
