The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
