the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
