what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
