Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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