Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
