____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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