He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
